I hate the R&Beard. I am referring to those sliver thin laser beards favored by the modern singer of soul; I'm telling you there isn't an bona fide manly beard in the genera. The subliminal message of the R&Beard: "I am a man of vast and independent wealth and massive means (wink wink). Unlike regular people with normal beards, I don't need to work a nine-to-fiver. Thusly, I am able to devote inordinate amounts of time to face maintenance; specifically the molding and etching of these exquisite fancy whiskers. Ladies, if you are impressed with my skills with a pair of electric clippers, be prepared to have your world shaken to it's core."
these facial lines are as telling as, and equate to, the shirt lines of prison garb. the wearer is guilty of crime.
ReplyDeleteI hope your next posts are about how much you hate life, and girls, and the sun, and people who don't understand your poetry. You are so Emo its making me cut my wrist. Can you also list the soul patch though, man I hate that thing, it's gross, unless you are B.B King or his son, who I think is C.C King, it is a Tom Cruise no-fly zone.
ReplyDeleteOnly real men can rock the full beard.
ReplyDeletetoo good Joe.
ReplyDeleteI hate the soul patch too Allen, however, this is the only mention of it I will make. I am sorry you and you emo empathy, try not to cut too deep then it really bleeds.
Lindsey: you know it.
When I was a kid, I remember people having names or Michael Jordan's jersey number shaved out of their hair on the back of their heads. Much like that, the R&Beard will go down in flames. Sadly, like mullet wearing camaro drivers, the someone somewhere will always have an R&Beard.
ReplyDeleteSo I tried to grow a beard for the second time in my life just very recently and I then tried to trim it on the cheeks a little to cut off the pubis looking hairs and lo and behold I had that very beard thou hatest. And I knew, just KNEW, that I could not leave the house until I cut that beard off.
ReplyDeleteSo Beard II: The Return, an embarrassing flop. Almost no one saw it.
Have you ever seen a mullet and an R&Beard, huh, have you?
ReplyDeleteIt is awesome.