Every man should grow one in his life...even if it is only scant, splotchy, or wispy. (especially James, Dan, and Grant)
My friend Kristen was happy to finally make it's acquaintance in person this week on my short but bangarang week in Utah for my sisters wedding.
My wife is in deep like with my beard...which is sweet because, having it sans spousal blessing would prove, I believe, problematic.
I was told by a member of the stake presidency recently to shave...I said no. I said it isn't a testimony stick by which to measure my piety. Then a time later the stake president said it looked great and I shouldn't have been told that. Satisfying and factual.
Having a beard makes eating without a napkin always a mistake.
A beard gives you a jaw line when your neck area refuses to supply one on its own due to over plumping.
Keeping a neatly trimmed beard can make a beard turn boring and you will be upset for a time, because often, with the exception of jungle cats, the more untamed the better.
My beard is multicolored. Calico even. This makes for a rich sense of indecision on my face's part.
Once Joe brought up his mustache (which is one of my favorite parts of the full beard) and the distinct smell it has each time he grows it; I commented that mine smells of tire rubber. Upon rethinking, I would change that and say it is more like the old air coming from the tire when it is being released.
My first beard was for Euro Trip 2005. I made the novice beard-faced mistake of finding it itchy and therefore leaving it on the bathroom floor in Florence. Regrets. I grew a new one as soon as my job allowed.
Shaving my beard was the only prerequisite for Lindsey's hand in marriage. It was a harder decision then I will ever admit to in any manner other than indirect reference. I grew a new one as soon as my end of that contract had been upheld.
I have yet to find myself stroking my beard while lost in thought. I am, however, expecting this any day now.
A pipe is the ultimate accessory for a beard. Sadly no one has yet to see the profit in tobacco-less tobacco so it remains unpacked and unlit.
Beards without mustaches are odd...one is forced to wonder if that look was the mullet if its day: clean out front, party down the sides. If so then Brigham and the Amish just blasted into the mega-cool stratosphere.
Many of these I would wear without a dare, and all for less than a double-dog.
Golden Eagle Collage
Dragon Lair
Black Wolf Spirit
Sunlit Unicorn
Three Wolf Moon
Lone Star
Hallowed Harmony
Dragonfire
Break Through Tiger
Big Cat Collage
Fighting Rexes
Rainbow Unicorn
If, for any reason, you wanted to pay top dollar for any of these rather than visit your local truck stop then there is hope -- all of these sweeties, and more, can be found at Mythically Speaking.
Note the light saber zipper, (how else should one expect to get inside?)
Note the intestines for the lining.
Sadly this was an April Fools joke from the brilliant minds at Think Geek. If it had been real, I would have ordered one for my nephew (and by nephew I secretly mean me).
Most of my posts as of late have been both lazy and orientated around music and movies. So, keeping with the spirit of the latter and forgoing the former I am posting a second of what is a favorite post of mine...certainly the most fun I have had on this here blog.
Allow me briefly to reiterate the intent of these posts. In the hands of the right director music and film are a seamless pairing. The right song can elevate what may be mundane and make it extraordinary. I am not discussing a musical score, that is a different beast, for these posts I am simply examining that one scene made better by that one song.
The Film: Children of Men The Song:The Court of the Crimson King -- King Crimson The Scene:Theo is driven into the imposing Battersea Power Station and the strains of King Crimson's The Court of the Crimson King swell and I'm floored. I'm so distracted by the music in this movie that the film seems to take on a surrealistic quality.
The Film:Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels The Song:Liar Liar -- Castaways The Scene: Easily consider the UK equivalent of Quentin Tarantino, Guy Ritchie’s film involving a high stakes card game gone wrong. Like Tarantino, the film has an excellent soundtrack as the tracks are well-placed throughout. One scene in particular involves a card game. It is shot simply with rotating camera views, slow-mo, and quick shots, but the use of the Castaways track takes what would have been a dull scene to preternatural heights.
The Film: Punch-Drunk Love The Song:He Needs Me -- Shelly Duvall The Scene: Barry (Adam Sandler) finally draws his courage and stands up to one of his sisters whom he constantly receives nothing but grief. It’s a moment of liberation, he has reached the point where he would no longer put up with his sister or any other malarkey life has thrown at him anymore. From that moment on, the track from Shelly Duvall plays through a wonderful sequence where he flies to Hawaii to see the one important woman in his life.
This song falls squarely in the twee category, and unless it was coupled with a magnificent scene in a film by the brilliant Paul Thomas Anderson it would have never garnered a second listen. This says something about the power found when good film is coupled with good music.
The Film: Once The Song:Falling Slowly -- Glen Hansard The Scene: Though slightly over played now I first heard the song when I saw the movie and can't shake it. Perhaps this shouldn't count since the music is the scene instead of being played over it, but when they sit down and Glen starts to play for her and she joins him it is something to behold; the paragon melding of the two mediums. Call me cheesy, but it was singular.
The Film: Layer Cake The Song:Ordinary World -- Duran Duran The Scene: This rather serene song is perfectly juxtaposed over a scene where a crazy drug dealer kicks the poop out of a fat bloke, before pouring hot tea over him. “As I try to make my way, to the ordinary world, somehow I will survive”...perfect.
The Film:Reservoir Dogs The Song:Stuck in the Middle With You -- Stealers Wheel The Scene: This is just a prime example of hearing a song during a scene and it forever being associated with that moment. Every time I listen to this song I cringe because I am instantly transported to that that moment when I first saw Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsden) torture his little police officer buddy. The result is the cutting of the aforementioned police officer’s ear and later being doused with gasoline -- all of this happening while Mr. Blonde dances along to this song. Horrific and brilliant.
The Film: Almost Famous The Song:Tiny Dancer -- Elton John The Scene: On a tour bus with a fictional band in 1973; emotions are down and stress levels are high, then Tiny Dancers comes on the radio and the mood changes culminating in everyone singing along. There you have a moment in cinema history that perfectly captures something that all of us can relate to in some manner.
The Film: High Fidelity The Song:Dry the Rain -- The Beta Band The Scene:
ROB I will now sell five copies of the 3 E.P.s by The Beta Band.
DICK Do it.
Rob pops the CD in and it begins to play... He stands there with his arms folded, waiting. After a moment, a Customer approaches.
CUSTOMER (re: music) What is this?
ROB It's The Beta Band.
CUSTOMER It's great.
ROB I know.
Too good.
The Film: The Darjeeling Limited The Song:This Time Tomorrow -- The Kinks The Scene: See for yourself (the song kicks in towards the end):
Bill Murray's cameo...the slow-mo...the colors...the whole scene is brilliant.
The Film: Apocalypse Now The Song:The End -- The Doors The Scene: As the eerie guitar line begins to creep in, there is a slow motion long shot of a rain forest in Vietnam. The chop from the helicopter blades can be heard slightly, and we can see shadows of them flying overhead. Just as Jim Morrison sings the opening line, “This is the end”, the canopy explodes in flames. In my opinion it is one of the most amazing shots ever recorded on film. Still the brilliant use of this opus doesn’t end there. As it progresses into a brain-quelling mash of organ, tambourine and tribal drums, we are treated to a few glimpses into the mental state of Captain Ben Willard (Martin Sheen). Based on what we see from him, it certainly feels like the end, but it’s really only the beginning.
The Film: Cool Hand Luke The Song:Plastic Jesus The Scene: One of the best scenes from one of the best movies. Paul Newman as Luke sings this just after he finds out some terrible news. His fellow prisoners file to the back of the room as to afford a modicum of privacy so Luke can grieve. As he plays his voice breaks over waves of emotions that he tries to choke down. The song was perhaps one his mother sang to him as a child; whatever it's significance it is an ideal choice for that scene. Paul was a master.
In both blockbuster and art house venues this has been a great year for film.
Despite what the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards think, I still hold that The Dark Knight is the best movie I saw this year.
You see most movies exist singularly, in a specific sphere and they stick to it. You don't go see, say Transformers for the amazing story, or superb acting; you go to gorge your eyes with special effects and action. Similarly, you don't go see No Country For Old Men or There Will Be Blood for the round house kicks or giant robots, but for the cinematography, the plot twists, character development, and the acting. This is why Nolan's snub for Best Director as well as the snub for Best Picture is so grossly unfortunate, because when you sit down to enjoy The Dark Knight you are able to get the story, cinematography, and acting of art house favorites like No Country for Old Men, as well as the 'biff bam boom' FX and action expected from multi-million dollar blockbusters. This has been done before (Star Wars comes to mind), but it is a rare occurrence, and while I had no delusions that the Caped Crusader's would win for Best Picture, I thought for sure it would have at least been nominated (just as Star Wars was), because FOR SURE it deserves it.
The more I think about it the more flames appear on the side of my face.
I have stepped down off my soap box; I could rant for hours over the brilliance of that film, but I won't.
I have been busy this year and haven't seen as many films as I usually do which I don't think will ever be possible again to see as many as I used to with by new goal of growing the hell up but I still manage to sneak in more than a fair amount. Here are the other films excited me this year in ranked order:
Man on Wire (Easily the second best film of the year)
Iron Man (all comic book, nay action movies, take heed)
Slumdog Millionaire
The Incredible Hulk Wall-E Curious Case of Benjamin Button(though I preferred it when it was about a guy sitting on a bench and running a lot) Appaloosa Hellboy 2: The Golden Army The Fall
Many movies are released later over here so I haven't had the chance to see many of the major contenders in the Oscar race, but many are coming out this month so this list may grow soon. I will be seeing Frost/Nixon this week as well as The Wrestler, and Gran Torino.
I am very much wanting to see Synecdoche, New York, and Hunger.
I love mine.
